Tagaroni

Too bad we don't all have friends like you.

QFT

In on 5

If he is your friend, there is no sense in letting him waste his life with a slut.

In four different instances in my life,  with observing church folk, this sentence was uttered:

"I know it might look bad, but I've been ministering to __________. They are going through a rough time right now with _________."

In all four situations, bodily fluids were being exchanged.

The last one was an old friend was banging it out with one of the more openly pious women in the church. . Fucked up two families. He had some really good kids, too.

“Nasty stuff”

Right. Are you 12?

First part, precisely. Yes.

Second part. Depends.
Our church, on being made aware of my previous post, publicly removed them from their leadership roles.
They were welcome to attend, but had to atone in a way that leadership would accept to regain any other role in the church.

Our church will never turn anyone away, Christ dined with prostitutes and sinners of all sorts. You want sinners in church so they can hear The Word.

But we’re pretty Biblical on stuff, so a transgression like that… hard to claw your way back.

Most important, they didn’t want to. So left.
It was a mess. If it had been an Asst Pastor?? Could have broken the church. An even bigger mess.

Guy needs to lose his ordination.

How pissed will he be when he finds out you knew and said nothing??

What kind of friend is that?

Attached File

Well that sucks OP.

I have been in that position and its no fun.

New church secretary comes on board, some of the women members of the church made the comments ya this could lead to problems if theres not a 3rd person here in the office during the week. Normally the preacher was in the office alone during the week or his wife would be there.

Things went well for awhile.

I had seen them in his car, he had tinted windows but you could still see the people in the car, the passenger was a female and was slumped way low in the passenger seat, I thought it might have been his daughter at first glance but when I did a second look as I waved I could see it was not her, ok nothing out of the ordinary as he did give folks rides to the store or doctors office at times.

2nd time was pretty obvious what was going on. I saw his car at a motel towards the edge of town, and him standing in front of one of rooms knocking on the door. at first I did not think too much of it, then the door opened and it was the church secretary, they hugged and kissed. oh shit

Now I really struggled with this, I knew it was wrong of course, both parties were married with kids.

I ended up going to one of the elders, we had two, him being the oldest, and told him what I saw. The look he gave me, shit. His reply and tone changed from a light hearted to a very serious one, 1shott he said, thats a serious statement to make about a preacher and also a friend.

Then the grilling, dates, times, any other witnesses, I mean I get it, but in retrospect I felt like I was being accused of lying. He said not to mention it to anyone, he would get with the other elder and they would handle it.

In the end everything was exposed, the church split, some accused me of lying and trying to destroy gods work, others just chose to distance themselves, some still at least spoke to me.

He stepped down, after he was caught and confronted, him and his wife tried to make it work but divorced, the kids were torn up.

The secretary and her husband stayed together but left the church, well she did, he did not attend.

As I said the church split, and after a few years of theft by the "new leadership" of church funds and property the church just dried up and blew away.

All of that is for anther thread.

Did I do the right thing by speaking up, well I believe I did, but for awhile there I was really 2nd guessing myself.

Ah, I see you are familiar with moral injury.

Yep, you destroyed a lot of lives.  Lot of collateral damage there.  Not sure what you accomplished.

Damn 5hrs, and no update?  Did dude freak out and kill OP?  Go kill pastor, then wife, then self?

OP, you didn't mention (or I missed it).. is the pastor married as well?

"HE" did?  No, two cheating adults did.

These things can get ugly.  Best you not be the one to walk in and toss a turd in the baptismal font.  

Much like any situation where a leader is in a position of unequal power/authority, an apparently abusive personal power  relationship can be a problem, manager  and worker, in the immediate chain of command in the military, whatever. This is a really unpleasant situation, could be awful for your friend and his family, the church/congregation, etc.  Depends on your "church" structure.  If simply a "local" single congregation, you've got the "head" pastor to go to but lots of denominations, like a lot of structured organizations, have a greater organizational body which are cognizant of the problems and have established approaches to prevent things from getting out of hand..  In the Episcopal Church, one could contact the Diocesan Office and explain the problem, get help, let them begin the investigative/disciplinary process.  Even with an "innocent" budding relationship, one or the other person will likely begin attending another church, to avoid the potential for an abusive relationship, it takes the clergy person out of the pastoral power position for those two.

Working with the greater organization avoids problems with your friend, perhaps "staff" helps you deal with the problems of how you deal with dealing with your friend.  This is likely to blow up and cause a lot of bad feelings.  Your friend could well not be the only person who responds poorly to your kicking over the honey bucket.  The pastor might have close friends/supporters who refuse to believe what happened, blame you for making up stories, others may want to burn hm at the stake, others will blame her for going off the deep end and leading this poor loving, weak, man astray, the hussy...  If the Diocese, for example, comes in and starts/manages the process, they become the enemy and it may be somewhat less damaging to at least some of the church.  

He didn’t destroy any lives.

The two married people cheating did.  

You wouldn’t want to know your wife was having an affair?

Found the assistant pastor.

IMO, tell your buddy and then speak up during service and let everyone in the congregation know about the pastor.

I've known more than a few pastors that preyed on woman, did drugs, etc...  It's part of why I no longer go to church.  I had a couple of pastors in my youth that were awesome, but between the bad pastors and the leaders of the Southern Methodist Conference I decided that I could be a better Christian without organized religion.

I hope this is just a bad attempt at trolling

I’ve always figured the ones posting those type of posts are the cheaters in their marriage.

You know that old story about the emperor and the clothes? You should read that.

No shit. With guys like that, it's no wonder married men get screwed over royally in divorce courts.

This.  You would want him to tell you.

There is a victim here and quite frankly it's your buddy. The victim decides what must be done and how it will be handled. If he is your friend, don't take the opportunity for justice from him.

These 'Pass the Fruit Plate' branches of churches are all over the place and it's SOP for what the OP saw.
OP should either cave and enjoy his turn with the pineapple on his porch or find another church without some sort of shenanigans going on.

Oh, wait....

Definitely have to tell your friend.

Preachers do more than lay people....

Ah yes the ol religion strikes again

The pastor was just filling her with the warmth of Christ.

For all the posters here telling the OP to MYOB, what if it was your wife?  Wouldn't you want to know about it?  I sure as fuck would.

Call The IRS.

Also inform the church.

I think it depends on how tight the OP is with the guy..

Best friend type buddy who would help bury the body?  Tell...

Sort of a friend that you might see once in awhile?  MYOB and don't get yourself involved with another persons drama especially if you don't know the backstory of whats going on.

Tell your friend

Contact church leadership

What an ignorant and useless post.

Also I vote public slide show at the next service on the overhead with pics and info. Fuck em

This


After that bomb drop, MYOB.  

If he wasn't a pastor I would say MYOB from the start but because pastors are professional counselors in many cases and in a position of trust, report it.  

He is wrong but she is also. She isn't a child and knows what she is doing.

Seeing as it was a religious dude I’m just happy it wasn’t a little boy


OP tell your friend

If anyone ever wonders how are .gov got so out of control, pay attention to 1srelluc’s post.

Fuck that guy.

Develops the photos? Huh?

if you are my friend tell me.

You know that kid she just had, it's probably not your buddys kid.

I would certainly tell the husband/friend what you saw - or drop a subtle hint and he will figure it out.

As for the assistant pastor having an affair with a parishioner, I'm sure it happens but I doubt it is a regular occurrence in a good bible based church.   So many different kinds of churches now days, even those w/o morals can say they go to church.

He runs a PhotoMat.

This is the answer.

Some of you all are unbelievable. MYOB involving a friend and a church leader?

Someone who doesn't tell a friend that his wife is cheating on him is no friend. He'd also be allowing a known damaging situation take place in his church.

Anyone who would mind his own business sucks as a friend and as a Christian.

Did I make it in before everyone shits on the Christians and judges them while claiming to hate them for judging everyone all the time? I see I did not. Carry on.

Tell your friend. Show the photos. Offer any alibi he needs.

Then, show the photos in the middle of pastor's next service. (On the big screen.)

All this after telling pastor that $10,000 and you'll destroy the negatives. (Give that money to friend for divorce lawyer fees.)

And, yeah, if there's a leadership group over the pastor, meet with them, with a witness, and ask what they're going to do.