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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:54:58 PM EDT
[#1]
When the wife and I were first dating years and years ago my my now mother in law called to say she would be over in an hour. So with nothing going to do I decided to fuck my wife on the couch. Guess who decided to come over 10 minutes after the call, not knock on the door and just let herself in... yup the mother in law got a great view of her daughter bent over the arm of the couch with me behind her. A few months later my door opens at 9 at night, I'm in the kitchen where my gun is so I grab it and go for the door, I round the corner and have her sister in my sights. The wife invited her over and didn't tell me and was taking a shit so she didn't get the door. She would unlock the door so her family could just walk in, needless to say she keeps the door lock and everyone now knocks and waits for the door to be opened like normal people
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:56:21 PM EDT
[#2]
Ladies and Gentelmen, THATS how you tell a story.
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:57:31 PM EDT
[#3]
How was the salad?
Txl |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:58:43 PM EDT
[#4]
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Moral of the story? If you don't want to see me kneeling between your naked granddaughters spread legs with an ice cube in one hand and a condom covered cucumber in the other STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY BACKYARD WHEN NOT INVITED. http://i.imgur.com/NhiV3Ho.gif Perfect!!! |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:58:55 PM EDT
[#5]
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How was the salad? Txl From the sounds of it, the salad was tossed. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:59:07 PM EDT
[#6]
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Hold your breath while you wait, it makes them load faster. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Pics not loading.... Hold your breath while you wait, it makes them load faster. We meant grandma. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 2:04:55 PM EDT
[#7]
So many sig lines in this story
10/10 |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 2:06:51 PM EDT
[#8]
Old people should have bells on their necks like a dog.
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Posted: 11/25/2016 2:15:24 PM EDT
[#9]
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Ha....nice |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 2:15:52 PM EDT
[#10]
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Hold your breath while you wait, it makes them load faster. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Pics not loading.... Hold your breath while you wait, it makes them load faster. 
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Posted: 11/25/2016 2:48:07 PM EDT
[#11]
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The ass part was a joke. There's no way I could take that. Hell I had a girl try and stick her finger up there once and I instantly broke into a very hot, uncomfortable sweat with an overall feeling of impending doom, like a massive heart attack just over the horizon, taking over my entire existence. 
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Posted: 11/25/2016 3:03:53 PM EDT
[#12]
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You know you're going to have to serve cucumber every time she visits from now on. Hopefully Grandma has a sense of humor and fixes them a Cucumber salad. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 3:07:56 PM EDT
[#13]
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Holy fuck. You may make it as an electrician. My opinion. ETA This story should make you epic on the job site and establish much cred. Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile I was thinking he shoulda been a Pipefitter. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 6:04:23 PM EDT
[#14]
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Posted: 11/25/2016 6:11:48 PM EDT
[#15]
Bet the next time she will show up when invited and not prior.
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Posted: 11/25/2016 6:14:43 PM EDT
[#16]
Meh, it could have been worse. Wife could have cought him doing grandma.
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Posted: 11/25/2016 6:23:11 PM EDT
[#17]
I'm coming to your house next year, for Thanksgiving!??
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Posted: 11/25/2016 6:40:32 PM EDT
[#18]
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Pretty sure my wife's aunt saw me nekkid not long after we married. The house we were renting had French doors in the kitchen/dining room. We had lace curtains over them, but they were still pretty open. We were finishing up one afternoon when we heard a knock at the door. Bedroom opened into the dining area too. I walked from bedroom to bathroom while wife suited up to answer the door. Aunt was rather flustered when the door was opened. My SIL stayed a month with us when I was stationed in Germany. One morning, I was mounted upon my good wife in a canine fashion, ass to door, and my SIL decided to open our closed bedroom door. Ten years later, she's still scarred by the sight of my hairy ass and balls. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 8:13:21 PM EDT
[#19]
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This story is obviously bullshit. Married people don't fuck. I hear this all the time, and can't help but pity the folks that believe that. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 8:51:42 PM EDT
[#20]
You eat naked?
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Posted: 11/25/2016 9:24:51 PM EDT
[#21]
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Quote HistoryQuoted:
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The ass part was a joke. There's no way I could take that. Hell I had a girl try and stick her finger up there once and I instantly broke into a very hot, uncomfortable sweat with an overall feeling of impending doom, like a massive heart attack just over the horizon, taking over my entire existence. Thats a pretty big cucumber to put in a person's butt. Thank god it wasn't butternut squash season. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 9:33:09 PM EDT
[#22]
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Ha....nice |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 9:39:26 PM EDT
[#23]
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Posted: 11/25/2016 9:41:49 PM EDT
[#24]
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I didnt read your post, but this seems like good advice Quote HistoryQuoted:
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If you don't want to see me kneeling between your naked granddaughters spread legs with an ice cube in one hand and a condom covered cucumber in the other STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY BACKYARD WHEN NOT INVITED. I didnt read your post, but this seems like good advice Yeah. That's going to be my new sig line. I hope you don't mind. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 9:47:39 PM EDT
[#25]
It's going to be pretty tough to beat this thread for thread of the year award
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Posted: 11/25/2016 9:50:40 PM EDT
[#26]
Way to go op.
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Posted: 11/25/2016 10:47:05 PM EDT
[#27]
When I was about twenty my mom looked through the basement window and saw me pounding away at my girlfriend, on my brother's weight bench
When we heard the gate we scooted out the back door. When I came home around 1am she said, "If you ever pull a stunt like that again you will move out of this house." Me: "What stunt?" Mom: "I saw the two of you in the basement." Me: "Oh? Okay......" My lack of a shocked response took the wind out of her sails pretty quick. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 11:00:34 PM EDT
[#28]
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You eat naked? Well yeah. I don't pay to heat this house for nothing. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 11:04:10 PM EDT
[#29]
Like granny never did it.
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Posted: 11/26/2016 12:24:26 AM EDT
[#30]
Minor update. Her BIL gets dropped off back at college tonight(or probably already got dropped off). Now that he's away from her grandmother she is going to call him tomorrow to see exactly what happened.
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Posted: 11/26/2016 12:24:42 AM EDT
[#31]
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Yeah. That's going to be my new sig line. I hope you don't mind. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
If you don't want to see me kneeling between your naked granddaughters spread legs with an ice cube in one hand and a condom covered cucumber in the other STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY BACKYARD WHEN NOT INVITED. I didnt read your post, but this seems like good advice Yeah. That's going to be my new sig line. I hope you don't mind. Feel free if it fits. |
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Posted: 11/26/2016 12:29:02 AM EDT
[#32]
Brag thread.
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Posted: 11/26/2016 12:32:36 AM EDT
[#33]
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Feel free if it fits. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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If you don't want to see me kneeling between your naked granddaughters spread legs with an ice cube in one hand and a condom covered cucumber in the other STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY BACKYARD WHEN NOT INVITED. I didnt read your post, but this seems like good advice Yeah. That's going to be my new sig line. I hope you don't mind. Feel free if it fits. Perhaps she was just aghast that you had to resort to a cucumber, rather than owning a proper sex toy? You should call her and ask what she would recommend you penetrate her naked granddaughter with for future reference.
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Posted: 11/26/2016 2:35:02 AM EDT
[#34]
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Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile |
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Posted: 11/26/2016 3:43:53 AM EDT
[#35]
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Only a couple degrees away from a dick  Quote HistoryQuoted:
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In But why was a condom on the cucumber? Even after washing they have those gray little dots stuck all over them that you can pry off with your fingertips. I have no idea what the fuck they are, what purpose they serve, or where they disappear to once you pickle them(one of life's great mysteries), but I didn't want to leave any inside. edit: Plus my ass is pretty tender, the condom helps the lube stay slick longer. GD didn't need to know you stick cucumbers up your ass
Only a couple degrees away from a dick You could always warm it in the microwave first I guess |
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Posted: 11/26/2016 12:24:59 PM EDT
[#36]
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Thats a pretty big cucumber to put in a person's butt. Thank god it wasn't butternut squash season. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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The ass part was a joke. There's no way I could take that. Hell I had a girl try and stick her finger up there once and I instantly broke into a very hot, uncomfortable sweat with an overall feeling of impending doom, like a massive heart attack just over the horizon, taking over my entire existence. Thats a pretty big cucumber to put in a person's butt. Thank god it wasn't butternut squash season. Oh but it is my friend...Butt it is. |
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Posted: 11/26/2016 12:40:56 PM EDT
[#37]
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Feel free if it fits. That's what she said. Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile |
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Posted: 11/26/2016 12:41:52 PM EDT
[#38]
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Posted: 11/27/2016 12:16:22 AM EDT
[#39]
Sooooooo wife just came downstairs to let me know her BIL is back at college now and gave her a call.
Apparently they decided to go out for dinner before church in town here and thought it would be fine if they just swung by and grabbed the stupid green cart. Upon arrival they parked out front and the grandma told him that she was going to go grab it herself and see what a mess we have "her" back yard in. Point of note; when we bought the house she failed to move anywhere close to all of her shit out of the house. We have more crap in this house than could be disposed of in a full 40 yard dumpster. We've been picking away at it here and there(fortunately the company that does our garbage collection allows you to leave a fair amount of shit at the end of the road every week) meanwhile listening to her bitch all the time that we are throwing away shit she hasn't gone through yet. Despite that it's been weeks since she's been over to go through her piles of worthless, outdated, broken crap. But I digress. She makes her way across the front yard and opens up the back gate. According to BIL she took a few steps into the front gate, stopped, put her hand to her chest, and did an immediate about face, almost jogging back to the car. She climbed back into the car and exclaims "That's fucking rediculous, 'BIL' you go get the damn thing." BIL asks her what she's on about and she replied "just grab the damn cart" So BIL comes up, walks through the gate and was graced with the sight of me mounting his sister with her face buried in the ground and my fingers hooked in her mouth. Now I'm a little pissed off. You walk in uninvited, open our gate without permission, enter our back yard without permission or any attempt to notify us of this, see us fucking, then decide to turn around and send your grandson in knowing full well he's going to see his sister getting plowed? What a stupid fucking bitch... Apparently the BIL had it out with grandma pretty hard after that for what she did. I'm even more pissed because now this ruins the cucumber prank... |
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Posted: 11/27/2016 1:00:18 AM EDT
[#40]
The old fish hook maneuver eh?
You should ask if anyone wants doggie bags after every meal. |
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Posted: 11/27/2016 1:04:00 AM EDT
[#41]
Ridiculous? That a married husband and wife are making love in the privacy of their own home? That's not ridiculous. That's normal.
I think she's still thinking of it as "her" property. and she got an eye opener into the fact that it isn't hers anymore. Hopefully she'll learn to call first. |
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Posted: 11/27/2016 1:13:27 AM EDT
[#42]
So, besides being a trespasser, grandma is a hoarder?
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Posted: 11/27/2016 1:14:27 AM EDT
[#43]
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So, besides being a trespasser, grandma is a hoarder? And a prude, apparently |
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Posted: 11/27/2016 1:31:18 AM EDT
[#44]
Thread of the year and it isn't over yet!
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Posted: 11/27/2016 1:32:40 AM EDT
[#45]
on for the ride...
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Posted: 11/27/2016 1:36:07 AM EDT
[#46]
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GD never fails to deliver. |
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Posted: 11/27/2016 1:41:28 AM EDT
[#47]
In. Damn funny thread OP.
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Posted: 11/27/2016 1:44:58 AM EDT
[#48]
Next time you have dinner with Grandma, have cucumber salad.
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Posted: 11/27/2016 1:47:38 AM EDT
[#49]
lol
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Posted: 11/27/2016 1:48:24 AM EDT
[#50]
And then BIL and grandma looked at each other with a sly twinkle in their eyes, and then BIL went balls deep right there in the car.
Soooo hawt. Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile |
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