This episode has three distinct plotlines, which don't intersect at all.

Now, the one you're obviously most interested in is Kwan, a/k/a Short Round 2.0.  Mostly this arc consisted of me saying "that sounds like a really bad idea" and being proven right almost immediately.  Soren, the worst pirate you've never heard of, parks his PIRATE SHIP pretty much in the open.  "Hey, that sounds like a really bad idea."  The Jawas agree and scavenge it.  Then they decide to walk into the middle of the town.  You know, the wanted pirate wearing partial Spartan armor and the girl who's, you guessed it, also still wanted.  Since the future apparently resembles an Indiana Jones set from the 1930s, they stick out like a sore thumb.  "That sounds like a really bad idea."  The guy who they talk to agrees, and tells SR 2.0 to GTFO and not make a scene, so naturally she makes a scene, and we see her wanted poster.  But SR 2.0 isn't going to quit until she finds Dr. Jones The Resistance.  So they decide to go to a memorial service for her dead father, you know, the KNOWN REBEL LEADER, that they arrived just in time for.  You might look at that and say, "that sounds like a really bad idea."  And you'd be right.  Space ATF is waiting for them.  They fight their way out and decide, for their next move, they should go visit SR 2.0's other family - you know, the family of the KNOWN REBEL LEADER.  Wait for it - "that sounds like a really bad idea."  

Cut to Space ATF leader looking fierce in his designer Hugo Boss Jackboots.  He's doing Space ATF stuff.  He decides that Short Round 2.0 needs to die because she is totally irrelevant to the plot, her scenes having literally nothing to do with Halo lore or backstory, and she's irrevocably pissing off the fanbase.  Kudos.  So he hires a ninja assassin while taking a bath.  I mean, sure, why not.  And a literal ninja assassin, complete with sword, in a story about the future, in space.  Shockingly, the home of the KNOWN REBEL LEADER'S family is the first place the ninja looks.  But before she can go all ninjaey, SR has a heartfelt conversation with her aunt.  Her aunt, in a dialogue probably written by Xi Jinping, tells SR how "HAPPY WE WER UNDER BENEVORENT DICTATOSHIP," and that the only reason SR's father became KNOWN REBEL LEADER was because he visited the Falun Gong, Uyghurs, Christians, Jews, some other religious sect out in the desert that is totally not one of those.  It was only afterwards that SR's dad "DISRUPT PERFECTLY GOOD LIFE UNDER BENEVORENT DICTATOSHIP."  While this is happening, Soren conveniently decides to leave just long enough for ninja assassin to show up.  He finds out his ship has already been completely parted out by the Jawas, and instead steals some kid's bike.  Johnny Depp laughs in the background.  He conveniently shows back up just in time to save SR 2.0, and the two decide to go find the Falun Gong, Uyghurs, Christians, Jews, other religious sect.  I mean, WTF else are they going to do.  They have a bike.

Meanwhile, at Master Chief's house its McGuffin time.  Once they locate MC's house MC and Nazi Barbie recall the flashback from last time and realize that the McGuffin must be within the travel distance of a small child.  So they turn on their fancy space scanners and find it easily.  Actually they don't do that.  Instead they just start randomly digging somewhere and find a box with all of MC's childhood drawings buried in the yard like they're treasure.  Because obviously MC's parents were like "hey, these might be useful in the future if anyone needs to find a McGuffin that looks exactly like these childhood drawings."  Then it's a bunch of flashbacks while Cortana/McGuffin recreate MC's childhood.  While this is going on I hear the most horrible cry.  I think "finally, the Covenant are going to show up and we'll finally get some action."  Nope.  Turns out that was just Pedro Pascal screaming in rage because not only does MC get to have his helmet off like 90% of the time, but that even when it is on, they show MC's face under the helmet.  Poor guy.  So anyways, more flashbacks and they find the McGuffin.

Back on Reach, Not-Drummer is playing with the other McGuffin.  You know, the one that's clearly a key for the McGuffin they just found and was so-established in MC's flashbacks from prior episodes?  Yeah, MC and Nazi Barbie probably should have brought that with them.  But they didn't, so Not-Drummer draws out touching the McGuffin with no effect long enough to satisfy their contracts.  The other Spartans get take off their helmets as well.  You can hear poor Pedro crying from California.  Oh, and Female Spartan decides to take out her emotion chip as well.  Other Female Spartan walks in on her nekked, holding a bloody knife, with a quarter-sized hole in her back and is like "You good?"  Female Spartan says "yeah," and she leaves.  Mighty fine police work there Spartans.  

Finally, we get to the great revelation.  Spartan training culminates in the killing of small animals.  That's right, they all get pet dogs or cats or pigs, and for one reason or another they have to kill them.  That's when it all made sense - the poor tactics, the casual murder of children, the criminally stupid criminals, the idea that super-soldiers can only be created by killing small pets.  The writers are ATF Agents.  It all makes sense now.  The plot holes, the bad writing, everything.  Paramount hired a bunch of ATF Agents, got them all hopped up on Dr. Pepper, and set them to work.  I anticipate that next episode will probably be Space Ruby Ridge.  Get Hype!  

tl;dr version. They play with the McGuffin some more while discussing their feelings.  Then the Covenant shows up and we get some actual Halo.  Covenant steals the McGuffin but leaves Covenant Barbie behind because, um, reasons.  Short Round 2.0 takes out Soren.  No, I'm serous.  STOP LAUGHING.

Oh, you want more?  Fine.  Hollywood has a writer problem.  And not just here, between STD, the recent Star Wars, Picard, and others, it's clear they don't know how to do sci fi.  That comes down to three main problems.  First, science fiction is generally the province of really smart people who have thought through the effects of all the fancy space technology and can weave it into a believable plot.  If you look good science fiction, it tends to be written by one really smart person, like Herbert, or Asimov, or Heinlein, not a writer's room filled with employees.  And to be fair, these people don't grow on trees.  This leads to the second problem.  Even when they get that, say, though an adaptation, they can't seem to get the writers to stick to the, you know, adaptation.  Thankfully, the third problem, wokeism, isn't really present here.  Wait.  I forgot.  Short Round 2.0.  You know, the whole transgender (probably) Asian teenager on her quest to overthrow the white colonizer Nazi oppressors that has fuck-all to do with the plot while wasting at least 1/3 the screen time of each episode.  Yeah, that.  

And this isn't a new problem.  Not every classic movie is Charleton Heston's Ben Hur.  But Hollywood used to understand KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid).  Take the 1980s Conan the Barbarian.  The plot is really fucking simple.  Thulsa Doom kill Conan mom.  Thulsa Doom bad.  Conan must avenge.  But throw in a great performance by James Earl Jones, an incredible score by Basil Poledouris, great cinematography, and a cannibal orgy scene interrupted by a swordfight, and it just works.  And this is despite the fact that Arnold knew exactly three words of English at the time.

The writers at Paramount+ don't do KISS, don't do a faithful adaptation of a simple but interesting plot from a video game series, and don't have the chops of an Asimov or Heinlein.  This means that 2/3 of this episode is that annoying staple of modern writing: family drama llama and people who can't control their emotions.  

1. Not-Fred Johnson and Not-Drummer are all bummed that Nazi Barbie Mommy doesn't love them like a real mommy should.  It's just a lazy setup to make you feel something when Nazi Barbie Mommy risks her life to save Not-Drummer from the Covenant attack.  I felt nothing.  Then again, I'm an asshole.

2. MC is mad that Female Spartan has also removed her emotion chip because, um, reasons.  MC has another McGuffin-fueled flashback and sees Nazi Barbie Mommy abducting him from his real mommy.  He flips and tries to Smash the Fash, but Cortana turns him off.  Later, Female Spartan has a mental breakdown during combat and MC has to save her.  I guess the message is that not being able to control your emotions is bad?  Yeah, your audience is (current or former) teenage boys who played Halo, i.e. guys.  They know this.

Not-Avasarala shows up just long enough to get blackmailed or something.  IDK.  Anyways, the important thing is that she mentions that Humans and the Covenant are at war.  I think this is the first time they've said it explicitly.  IN EPISODE FIVE.  Jebus.  Halo: CE had a better plot in the opening cutscene.  It's all of four minutes, but afterwards we know (1) Humans and Covenant are at war; (2) Humans are outgunned badly; (3) MC is a super soldier; and (4) that Halo thing in the distance is probably important.  And I don't want to hear about the opening attack on Space Mad Max World or the Tentacle Rape Monster.  These are minor skirmishes that give no sense of the threat the Covenant pose or the dire situation of the war.  

Oh, how could I forget.  Everyone's favorite plot line.  Soren is pissed that he ain't gonna get paid yo!  No sympathy.  You should have seen that one coming.  So he's going to make SR 2.0 work it off.  I'd have just sold her to Space Joe Biden and called it a day.  But again, I'm an asshole.  Anyways, their bike breaks down in the desert.  Apparently it was maintained by Space Russians.  So Soren decides to handcuff SR 2.0 to the bike because she's annoying as fuck while he goes back into town to find a vehicle built by Space Germans.  Immediately, I started praying to Shai-Hulud to cleanse the desert with his passing, but no such luck.  Seriously assholes, you ripped off literally every other major sci fi work by now.  Can't you just give me this?  Apparently not.  Being a stronk womyn, SR 2.0 breaks the handcuff free, channels her inner Fremen - oh NOW you rip off Dune, assholes - and space tasers Soren for the waters of his life.  Seriously.  She takes out the former super-soldier turned pirate in one move.  Jebus.  

But I'm not gonna lie.  The finale is bretty gud.  We finally get a battle that actually SHOWS, not TELLS, that Humans and Covenant are in a war, and SHOW, not TELLS, that the Covenant are a serious threat.  I mean, they probably should have led with that rather than five episodes of emotional bullshit, but hey, it's here now.  So enjoy it.  

I'm not saying you should just skip ahead to, you know, the Halo part, but the time index is 27:30.    

Episode 6 starts out strong.  MC decides it's time for some pimp justice against Nazi Barbie Mommy.  Not only is this in character and a completely believable reaction given what happened in prior episodes, but I've wanted to airlock the bitch since at least Episode 2.  MC locks her in a lab, turns on the Space Zyklon B, and lets the countdown begin.  Cortana tries to tell him this is not how we treat those we love, but MC informs her that a pimp's love is very different from that of a square's.  Sadly, MC yanks her out at the last second, telling her he only wanted to know if Cortana would be able to take control and force him to stop.  But he doesn't forgive her.  MC keeps the pimp hand strong, tells her shit ain't over, and bitch better have his money (i.e. answers).  Sadly, it's all downhill from here.  

Next is some meaningless political drivel where everyone freaks out (again) about who is to blame for MC's non-NPC like behavior.  Meanwhile, Covenant Barbie tells MC where she thinks the Covenant took the other McGuffin, cause that's a thing a prisoner would know, and Not-Fred Johnson does his best impersonation of a Michael Bay movie, screaming at everyone in the command center while dramatic music plays in the background.  Then MC goes to track down Nazi Barbie Mommy to make sure bitch ain't holden out on him.  He finds her, and we get THE BIG REVEAL.  Nazi Barbie Mommy says she needed to genetically modify humanity because it was too selfish and violent, so they kidnapped six year-olds and replaced them with clones who had all three Moderna shots, meaning they died almost instantly, and no one was the wiser. . . .  

"Wait.  Who the fuck wrote this?  You?  Get over here.  So you're telling me that Nazi Barbie Mommy was worried about humanity being too selfish and VIOLENT?"
"Yeah."
"So she created SUPER SOLDIERS?  To make humanity LESS VIOLENT?"
"Basically."  
"And then she gave the SUPER SOLDIERS to the same government that authorized her to KIDNAP SIX YEAR-OLDS?  To make humanity LESS VIOLENT?"
"Well, Paramount said it was a show about super soldiers, so we had to fit them in somehow."  
"Jebus."

Let me be clear.  There is a very short list of reasons why you would want to kidnap six year-olds and turn them into genetically modified super soldiers.  
1. The Covenant is on the verge of wiping out the human race and extreme measures are necessary.
2. You're an asshole and just want super soldiers.  
3. There is no number 3.  

Back to politics and feels.  Nazi Mommy Barbie is having a really bad day, gets fired from her Space Nazi job and now has to hook full time.  Cortana gets fired as well and has to cyber.  Not-Drummer gets promoted to Spartan Mommy.  Given that everyone was too busy to pay attention to the whole Covenant War thing - you know, the plot - they have no idea what to do next, so MC touches the McGuffin again.  This time it's not just the tip, and we get THE SECOND BIG REVEAL.  MC and Covenant Barbie find themselves spiritually transported to Heaven Nirvana Elysium the Halo ring and have a spiritual moment together. . . .  

Wait.  How the fuck did the writers take a super weapon meant to wipe out all life in the galaxy in order to protect it from the Flood and turn it into a spiritual Nirvana?  Oh, that's right.  They never read the source materials.  But they probably heard the song, which is similar to a Gregorian Chant, and the word "halo" usually has religious connotations.  Thus we come to the crux of the problem.  These writers could be the most talented since Hemmingway, but if you don't read the fucking source material, you can't fucking adapt it.  And that's true with everything in life.  If you don't put in the work, it's going to suck.

Moreover, if you wanted to make a show about trying to modify humanity through genetic engineering in order to obtain perfection, and how that affects the human soul, that would be a really good story.  And it was a really good story, in 1997, in a movie called Gattaca.  Seriously, if you haven't seen Gattaca, go watch it.  But that isn't Halo. And when you try to shoehorn Gattaca into Halo because marketing said "give me Halo" but you wanted to rip off Gattaca instead?  Guess what, it's probably not going to work.  

Anyways, there are zero Short Round 2.0 scenes.  So best episode yet?  Maybe?    

Episode 7 starts off beautifully.  No more of that scary Nazi guy in the armor.  No, it's a just Kwan, beautiful, young, supple Kwan.  She's all alone, having run away from her daddy.  Now she's looking for a new daddy.  She's still wearing that handcuff because she knows she's been a bad girl. . . .

"SPACE JOE BIDEN?  How the fuck did you get in here?  And why are you writing my review?"
"Listen here fat, Space Corn Pop was a bad dude. . . ."
"Hey you! Over here!  I found him.  You know you can't just let him wander off like that.  He's the President of fucking Space.  Who knows what could happen?  He might accidentally start a war with the Covenant and get humanity wiped out. . . .  That already happened?  And we're losing badly?  Jebus.  Fucking Space Dominion."

Anyways.  Yeah, this episode is all about Kwan, aka Short Round 2.0.  You can stop reading now.  No one would blame you.  

Still here?  Fine.  SR 2.0 leaves Soren out to die in the desert because that's a thing a hero would do.  Then she sets out to find the Fremen, Sand People some other group of mystics in the desert that's totally not one of those.  Who are they, you might ask?  What is their backstory?  Don't know.  Neither do the writers.  But anyways, they have a plan.  Coincidentally it's the same plan from Dune and The Book of Boba Fett.  Protip.  When stealing ideas, only steal the good ones.  Dune, yes.  BoBF, no.  But back to the "action."  Kwan has to take the Waters of Life, that nose lizard some other McGuffin syrup so we can get the BIG REVEAL.  Well, it's either a BIG REVEAL or a really bad acid trip.  I mean, you probably shouldn't be accepting drugs from random strangers in the desert unless you really do want to end up in Space Joe Biden's sex dungeon.  Moving forward, we get a random montage dream sequence where SR's daddy tells her that she is an Avenger Protector, and she needs to protect another Space McGuffin in the desert (this is McGuffin No. 5, if you're keeping count).  McGuffin Five is a space portal and SR's family are its Avengers Protectors, so that's why they rebelled against UNSC, because they didn't want to mine around it. . . .

Stop.  THAT'S the reason?  The whole fucking meaningless side story?  I could have been solved with a phone call.  "Hello, Space Glowies?  Yeah, we found another McGuffin . . . no a different one.  We probably shouldn't mine around it.  What's that?  You agree?  And you're sending legions of well paid scientists who might want to buy things from the local economy?  And you're also sending soldiers to protect us in case, say, a random alien species decides to attack for no apparent reason?  I mean, great, here are the coordinates."

But wait.  There's more.  Remember Soren?  The worst pirate you never heard of?  All alone in the desert hundreds of miles from a spaceport?  Yeah, he's back home.  No seriously.  No massive rum bonfire as a rescue signal, no shot of him walking to the spaceport, not even a recap - "Wow.  It's a good thing X happened or I'd still be in that desert. . . ."  Nope, he just home.  I thought it was a flashback for a full twenty minutes.  Anyways, he's just doing random pirate shit, and looking fierce doing it.  I mean, we're talking Cam Newton on game day fierce.  That's because the writers can't figure out which property to rip off, so we get a mix - and yet another meaningless subplot.  We start off by "borrowing" from The Fifth Element, or maybe Hunger Games?  The point is that in the future everyone dresses like heterosexuals have gone extinct when they go to a party.  This party is just to set up a conflict between Soren and Some Guy.  Some Guy is mad at Soren for, reasons, but he has the Big Score, so they kiss and make up.  Then Soren does some pirate stuff and it's time to rip off The Expanse again.  They're not even really trying to hide it anymore.  I think I heard one of the extras shout "Beltalowda!" in the background.  Blah blah blah they get the score.  Blah blah blah Soren drops one of the things on Some Guy's foot to prove he's the Daddy.  Then he's back with Short Round.  

Yes.  That's not a typo.  Apparently Space Joe Biden called for the Avengers Protectors to assemble, so he's back with SR 2.0 just in time for the big showdown with Space ATF.  Now, at this point you might be thinking "Finally, we'll get some decent action."  HA! HA! HA! HA!  WRONG!  Let us count the cliches:

(1) SR takes charge because she's the stronk womyn while combat veteran and space pirate Soren just wants to charge head-on into a platoon sized enemy because "hurr durr I'm a dumb man hurr durr;"
(2) Soren apparently left Spartan training before the "pick the fucking rifle off the fucking ground" lesson, so we get that wonderful cliche of a ninja fight between guys armed with automatic weapons;
(3) SR knows how to use a Covenant plasma grenade because, duh, stronk womyn;
(4) Dozens of professional police and one former soldier, and yet no one but SR figures out that maybe, just maybe, having a gunfight in a Space Oil platform might have, um, consequences?; and
(5) Michael Bay sized explosion which SR and Soren survive because of a one-inch metal door with holes in it, holes in which we see the flame come pouring in through, but just a couple inches short of the plot armor.

Jebus.  So ostensibly that's how it ends.  Ostensibly.  I'm still halfway convinced that the last thirty minutes of this episode was just part of SR's acid trip so she'll wake up in Space Epstein Island and that's the last we'll ever see of her.  A man can dream.