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Posted: 5/15/2023 12:26:13 PM EDT
[#1]
Topper
 Penelope from SNL  Penelope: Thanksgiving - SNL  Penelope: Traffic School - SNL |
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Posted: 5/15/2023 12:31:39 PM EDT
[#2]
I once caught a fish that was so big, that the picture of it weighed 3 pounds!
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Posted: 5/15/2023 12:50:40 PM EDT
[#3]
Had a cable puller at my last place of work that was terrible about it. No matter what any of us happened to be talking about, he had a tale about some friend who did it better, owned one bigger, or drove one faster. These “friends” were all people he chatted with online.
His personal stories were all about the jobs he had. We counted up to 17 jobs where he rocked, but they only stretched a span of about 6 years and we knew two of those years he was unemployed collecting .gov money. Dude never graduated high school and had the mentality of a 14 year old. |
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Posted: 5/15/2023 1:01:17 PM EDT
[#4]
I worked with a guy who claimed he saw bigfoot while deer hunting.
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Posted: 5/15/2023 4:57:52 PM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I walked on the moon. ThTs cool, have you ever walked on mars? |
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Posted: 5/15/2023 5:00:27 PM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted: We did training at Hoover dam for a tactical response course and had some rappelling. A friend's husband said he had done some stuff in the military and he had done similar things. I have known him since high school and he never left town, so his story stinks. I think he forgot that. I then showed pictures of the ropes and going over and he said we were a bunch of pussies. He had to run down the dam as part of his training to assist the dam police in a terrorist attack. ETA- I forgot an important part... he is currently in prison for fraud  His lies finally caught up with him.Yeah but have you ever rappelled operationally on three gorges? |
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Posted: 5/15/2023 5:02:51 PM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I worked with a guy who claimed he saw bigfoot while deer hunting. I saw deer while Bigfoot hunting. |
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Posted: 5/15/2023 6:17:44 PM EDT
[#8]
At work a couple of us were talking about shooting. Another guy(an idiot) walked up and told how last weekend he shot his SA M1A and hit a playing card 3 out of 10 shots at 2000 yds. One guy asked if he meant 200 yds. no it was 2000. I walked off.
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Posted: 5/15/2023 6:37:06 PM EDT
[#9]
I had a supervisor who was less than 30 y.o. He'd been a Navy Seal and a Tennessee state trooper, and retired from both jobs. All this in a place where he'd worked the last 8 years!
This was the guy who got busted for viewing kiddie porn on company computers... at a defense contractor. |
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Posted: 5/15/2023 6:53:23 PM EDT
[#10]
I worked with a guy like that a couple times. Every time I mentioned something he had not only done it, but competed in it and won in spectacular fashion. Skiing, poker, rock climbing, etc, didn't matter. It was ridiculous, it got to the point I would just make stuff up. Some people are unhappy with reality.
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Posted: 5/15/2023 7:04:03 PM EDT
[#11]
had a vietnam vet customer that would embellish everything.
He worked as a sniper next to Carlos Hathcock, and unofficially got more kills He claimed that the majority of deaths were from Tigers in the jungles of nam He claimed his favorite firearm during the war was a sawed off shotgun with chain linked rounds that cut people in half He claimed he got to keep his sniper rifle after the war, because he was so good etc....... but yeah, all of those stories came from him having to one up anything you said. - Clint |
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Posted: 5/15/2023 7:11:08 PM EDT
[#12]
The one upper people don't bother me too much. I am more annoyed by people who think they are telling you about something that you don't know, like they are the only ones who hold this knowledge, and you just want to tell them, yes I already know about this.
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Posted: 5/15/2023 7:20:56 PM EDT
[#13]
I had some dealings with the fat stinky Marine who claimed that he trained Carlos Hathcock. He had a fatty scooter and could barely walk. But it had enough Marine shit on you would have thought Uncle Sam gave it to him. Not to mention the poor cows that died so he could have a tent sized leather jacket with the largest Marine EGA you can get, short of painting it on a water tower.
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Posted: 5/15/2023 7:21:27 PM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Serious Q in case I’m not being self aware. When someone tells a story I will often tell a related story. Always telling the truth and often not better just related. Never gotten a negative reaction but curious if this counts Hey. Same. And me relating as such does that count? 
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Posted: 5/15/2023 7:24:19 PM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I once caught a fish that was so big, that the picture of it weighed 3 pounds! That's nothing! The shadow of my ass weighs five pounds! |
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Posted: 5/15/2023 7:29:52 PM EDT
[#16]
Had one I worked with awhile back. If you did something, he's done it thirty times, and better than you ever will. Loudmouth mofo that couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground. He quit like two, maybe three weeks before he was going to be laid off.
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Posted: 5/15/2023 7:57:16 PM EDT
[#17]
I worked with one many years ago. In retrospect, I now suspect that he never actually graduated with a degree in mechanical engineering. There was just to much he didn't understand, and his perpetual lying likely extended to his claimed education.
He was eventually fired for cause. |
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Posted: 5/16/2023 4:44:34 PM EDT
[#18]
I've never understood the ultimate topper and outright liar types. They can't possibly think that anyone would buy their bullshit, so why do it? I know a couple of guys that will start telling a story and anyone that knows them, immediately says "xxxx don't start telling me lies, I don't have time for that shit...". Yet they continue
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Posted: 5/16/2023 11:35:02 PM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I've never understood the ultimate topper and outright liar types. They can't possibly think that anyone would buy their bullshit, so why do it? I know a couple of guys that will start telling a story and anyone that knows them, immediately says "xxxx don't start telling me lies, I don't have time for that shit...". Yet they continue I think they do. |
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Posted: 5/16/2023 11:52:18 PM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I walked on the moon. I found water on Mars |
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Posted: 5/17/2023 1:07:24 AM EDT
[#21]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I found water on Mars Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: I walked on the moon. I found water on Mars 
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Posted: 5/17/2023 8:16:23 PM EDT
[#22]
So, do you think the “one upper” and the normal guy who thinks he can kick everyone’s ass are similar people?
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Posted: 5/21/2023 9:41:20 PM EDT
[#23]
How am I ever going to be able ot one up folks if this thead only makes 2 pages?
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Posted: 5/21/2023 9:49:55 PM EDT
[#24]
The one-upper I knew from high school committed suicide. Apparently his bullshit caught up with him.
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Posted: 5/21/2023 9:57:44 PM EDT
[#25]
This habit is adjacent to those that, when you own something or buy something new, if they bought something similar but more expensive it means you bought junk and should have got the good one, but if what they have was lower cost than what you have it means you wasted your money and theirs is just as good if not better.
Love those guys. |
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Posted: 5/21/2023 10:01:26 PM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Met a dude who was so bad that I caught him telling MY stories, to other people, about himself, while I was present. Even used the same names and places, just inserted himself in my place. I know that guy! He would re-tell a story about one of our friends, but starring him instead. I remember one time he was telling a group of people about something I'd done, but with him in the star location, and he actually looked at me and said "Remember? You were there!". I just said "That's similar to how I remember it". We started calling him BOATS, it stands for Based On A True Story. He started answering to it so it stuck. |
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Posted: 5/21/2023 10:24:20 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I knew a laborer on a plaster crew who told one of my clients he was a retired college professor. My client was fascinated by this story which was total bull. Same plaster guy (last name Paris) showed me a picture of a teenager and told me that was his daughter Loreal and went on to say the French cosmetics company was founded by the girls mother and named after her, total bullshit he just expected everyone to believe. Plaster....of Paris? |
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Posted: 5/21/2023 10:30:56 PM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryQuoted: How am I ever going to be able ot one up folks if this thead only makes 2 pages? pretty sad, bro all of my posts go at least 15 pages |
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Posted: 5/21/2023 11:07:21 PM EDT
[#29]
Years ago in college, I was drunk as a skunk at the Union bar. This guy proceeds to tell me that he helped David Coverdale write “Here I go again”. (It was the ‘80’s). I was think, I’m drunk but not that drunk. He was dead serious
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Posted: 5/21/2023 11:15:37 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted: One fun game is to get two or more of them together. Get the cycle started. They start trying to one-up each other in an ever-escalating tower of bullshit. Stand back and egg them on. Best, JBR I saw that happen with two Casanovas. Both were convinced that they were the ultimate lady's man, but they were both pretty goofy looking retards. They just kept escalating the war stories until they almost got into a fight. Their other tales of awesomeness didn't have enough overlap for them to argue about, unfortunately. I'm sure it would have been amazing to see. |
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Posted: 5/21/2023 11:27:08 PM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted: So, do you think the “one upper” and the normal guy who thinks he can kick everyone’s ass are similar people? I worked with that guy. He'd kicked many asses. Sometimes several at once. He was good, too. Not a scar on him. |
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Posted: 5/21/2023 11:34:28 PM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryQuoted: This habit is adjacent to those that, when you own something or buy something new, if they bought something similar but more expensive it means you bought junk and should have got the good one, but if what they have was lower cost than what you have it means you wasted your money and theirs is just as good if not better. Love those guys. I also <3 GD |
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Posted: 5/21/2023 11:43:18 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I also <3 GD Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: This habit is adjacent to those that, when you own something or buy something new, if they bought something similar but more expensive it means you bought junk and should have got the good one, but if what they have was lower cost than what you have it means you wasted your money and theirs is just as good if not better. Love those guys. I also <3 GD That's cool but did I ever tell you about the time I wrote a business plan based off GD polls? 
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Posted: 5/21/2023 11:53:55 PM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted: One fun game is to get two or more of them together. Get the cycle started. They start trying to one-up each other in an ever-escalating tower of bullshit. Stand back and egg them on. Best, JBR There are 2 guys I work with that do not need anyone to start the cycle. They will do it on their own. One guy is former Air Force, the other a former marine. It is pretty entertaining at times. But the former air force guy will eventually find you at lunch time or ear quitting time and start in with stories. Worst is at lunch time. It will be 1am or so and all you want to do is be left alone to mess around watching true crime videos on YouTube and he will come up and start in. Doesn't matter if you have ear Buds in and are trying to watch a video on your phone. He starts and will not stop .....ever. He is like a vocal Terminator. He will not stop ever. There is no begging or pleading. He will not stop, ever. Until you are deaf. |
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Posted: 5/21/2023 11:56:08 PM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Ever work a DoD contract with a retired Navy vet? Goddam, it's enough to make you sea sick. Only branch that just had to talk shop every day, all day. "Shoot, one time we were out in...." blah blah blah. I work with a Navy vet. I get to hear all the WestPac stories. All of them for the past 10 years. 
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Posted: 5/21/2023 11:56:42 PM EDT
[#36]
I hang out with enough genuinely interesting people that most of them don't have to fool with making up rich life experiences. I have a guy I went to high school with though that will lie at the drop of a hat to attempt to impress someone and it's sad now that the internet will let you debunk almost everything in about 5 seconds. Your spicy handload shoots 3000 fps? His shoots 4000 fps because of a special powder he has. Your Corvette does 11s on street tires? His did 10 flat before he sold it because he was bored. On and on and on. The guy is ride or die as far as loyalty but has Joe Biden levels of problems with the truth.
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Posted: 5/22/2023 12:02:46 AM EDT
[#37]
OP has obviously never been .mil.
"No shit, there I was..." |
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Posted: 5/22/2023 12:33:46 AM EDT
[#38]
I work with a dude who likes to tell me and my Green Beret buddy that his AR15 shoots 1" groups at 800yards.
Same guy isn't allowed back in Great Falls because his old truck broke the dyno. Who the fuck owned it? The mayor? |
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Posted: 5/22/2023 12:34:26 AM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted: OP has obviously never been .mil. "No shit, there I was..." Yep, No shit, used to work with a Chief like that. No matter the conversation or the context, he had a one upper, " there I was with a playmate at club XYZ...". "Ahem, well there was this time I was THE crew chief on a C-130 out of Rota on a USO tour with all of the playmates and Hef and we lost an engine on approach..." or "I was at a small town revival and me and Bettie Sue decide to go down to the local creamery for a scoop of..." "Yes the nuns, ran a local dairy, 75 young impressionable women with no men folk around, after 75 day's of covelesence I was ready to leave. The mind was willing, but the body was weak!" 
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Posted: 5/22/2023 7:02:57 AM EDT
[#40]
I worked with a guy that we shall call 'Dave B'.
His family was related to the one that bought Manhattan from the Indians. His 85 Camaro was the fastest car in the state. When hunting, he would count the eyes of the deer and divide by 2 to get their number. There are countless more, but you get the picture. I never called him out on his B.S., because it was so sad. |
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Posted: 5/22/2023 7:09:56 AM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted: My dad was a story adopter, he told me some of my stories and acted all confused when I called him out on it. I heard him telling others stories as well, somehow late in his life his story telling took off to another level. Several of his caretakers would say he was the most interesting man they had ever met and that his life should be documented in a book or movie, I didn't tell them that he was full of BS. They and he seemed content with the fantasy. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Met a dude who was so bad that I caught him telling MY stories, to other people, about himself, while I was present. Even used the same names and places, just inserted himself in my place. My dad was a story adopter, he told me some of my stories and acted all confused when I called him out on it. I heard him telling others stories as well, somehow late in his life his story telling took off to another level. Several of his caretakers would say he was the most interesting man they had ever met and that his life should be documented in a book or movie, I didn't tell them that he was full of BS. They and he seemed content with the fantasy. |
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Posted: 5/22/2023 7:43:11 AM EDT
[#42]
We had a shipping manager that was like that. She constantly tried to one up any story anyone told.
Her best psychosis though was the month or so she decided that she was British and tried to fake a British accent and get everyone to believe it. After that she tried convincing people she was from Portland. Bitch, you're from Ohio. Also, a lesbian. Maybe. Some days. Carried a wallet like a man. Just a mess of a person overall. |
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Posted: 5/22/2023 9:46:31 AM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryQuoted: How am I ever going to be able ot one up folks if this thead only makes 2 pages? My thread on this subject went 5 pages in less time. ETA: I meant 50, sorry. When you type 300 words per minute sometimes the keyboard can't keep up. |
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Posted: 5/22/2023 2:20:21 PM EDT
[#44]
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Posted: 5/22/2023 2:21:44 PM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted: had a vietnam vet customer that would embellish everything. He worked as a sniper next to Carlos Hathcock, and unofficially got more kills He claimed that the majority of deaths were from Tigers in the jungles of nam He claimed his favorite firearm during the war was a sawed off shotgun with chain linked rounds that cut people in half He claimed he got to keep his sniper rifle after the war, because he was so good etc....... but yeah, all of those stories came from him having to one up anything you said. - Clint Was he like 5’5”, and about as wide? I could swear I’ve heard these stories. |
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Posted: 5/22/2023 2:39:55 PM EDT
[#46]
I don't have much in the likes of one uppers except one thing. Every man wants to bang a stripper and or a cheerleader at least once in their life. And every man should do one of each at least once in their life too! They are quite fun!
I once dated (and banged) a girl who was a cheerleader in high school, and a stripper shortly after that as an adult. When I dated her she was just past her prime for being a stripper (mid-late 20's) but still plenty hot enough for my ass thats for sure. 2 birds one stone my friends. I killed 2 birds with one stone that time. For the 3 months we dated and we were in the honeymoon phase it was glorious but it ended in fire and brimstone eventually. Multiple police calls and eventually I found a big pile of my clothes and belongings BURNING in a pile on the front yard (of my own house mind you). Things got real bad real quick. This relationship was a candle burning at both ends, in a blast oven. But when it was good, it was G O O D. I did things with that chick I didn't even know you could do. Now that I reflect on it I kind of miss all the drama. It was sure a big change because Before this I had only hooked up with quiet polite girls who had modesty. I know some of you are going to laugh and say so what you banged countless strippers and or cheerleaders. Well this was a big deal for me. I have wanted to get freaky with a stripper or cheerleader ever sense uhh well ever sense I can remember I guess. I achieved a bucket list level goal here. |
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Posted: 5/22/2023 2:47:03 PM EDT
[#47]
I know a guy who's like that.
You and him both could have the same knife, brand, model, one number off serial numbers if knives had serial numbers. Bought one after another at the same store on the same day. But his would be better than yours. Little bit better metal or opens smoother. There'd be some reason his is better. |
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Posted: 5/22/2023 2:48:50 PM EDT
[#48]
I once heard a legend here of a $50,000 bathroom renovation.
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Posted: 5/23/2023 11:04:38 AM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Was he like 5’5”, and about as wide? I could swear I’ve heard these stories. he was definitely short, but he wasn't old enough to have served in Vietnam either - Clint |
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Posted: 5/23/2023 7:27:15 PM EDT
[#50]
Every man wants to bang a stripper He maxed out 3 credit cards on his girl, then she left him for some strange reason. And he swore the ride was worth it! He moved back to Chicagah with an un-paidoff pickup truck he had no intention of paying off. I hope the system caught up with him; he was a total asshole. |
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