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Posted: 4/19/2023 6:20:41 PM EDT
[#1]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Yup. And it would be one thing if their system ever routed straight to a human maybe when call volumes were not "higher than normal," but I highly, highly doubt they are even set up that way. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: The one that usually proceeds this and really chaps my hide is: "We are currently experiencing higher than normal call volumes..." LIES. You cannot have "higher than normal" call volumes every single day you are open, for months or even years on end. You simply are understaffing your call center for additional profit. Not only that, but the fact that the voicemail states "higher than normal" call volumes means they must have other voicemails with additional explanations. Do they change voicemails throughout the day after analyzing their own response times? Do they have an employee whose job it is to maintain the voicemail posture? Of course not. They set it and leave it for years. Yup. And it would be one thing if their system ever routed straight to a human maybe when call volumes were not "higher than normal," but I highly, highly doubt they are even set up that way. Fun anecdote, USAA is one of the only companies I know of that endeavors to get you to a human as fast as possible. They route you through the normal call tree to make sure if you have a question about your insurance, you're not talking to a loan person. However, once through that tree you get a person as quickly as possible. Their agents are also compensated well above industry standard. Additionally, they are instructed to talk with you as long as you want, i.e, in industry speak this means they don't measure "Calls Handled" by agents as a metric. They also have one of the lowest agent turnover rates in the contact center industry. |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 6:24:50 PM EDT
[#2]
What we need is a value proposition that incorporates our stakeholders and sponsors, in a way that harnesses our collective synergy to right-size our sandbox....in a way that honors our team and recognizes our diversity yet illuminates our social conscience.
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Posted: 4/19/2023 7:27:15 PM EDT
[#3]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I believe it's pronounced "axe"  Town Hall - nothing to do with the town, and not a forum just one guy blabbing and lying Happy to Discuss (when closing an email) - no you're not C-Suite - chiefs and chairmen? Run it up the Flagpole - the people who use it are likely the same people who probably hate the US flag Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: "I have an ask". Ask is not a noun,- you have a request, not an "ask". I believe it's pronounced "axe" Town Hall - nothing to do with the town, and not a forum just one guy blabbing and lying Happy to Discuss (when closing an email) - no you're not C-Suite - chiefs and chairmen? Run it up the Flagpole - the people who use it are likely the same people who probably hate the US flag The flag polers lack confidence in their decisions, so they "run it up" as an ass coverage strategy. |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 7:29:15 PM EDT
[#4]
Quote HistoryQuoted: You need to collaborate with others on this reach out initiative. Please ACTION this item. |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 7:30:30 PM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted: This thread should have never been blue skied Can you be a little more granular? |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 7:34:48 PM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Using colorful and descriptive language isn't a bad thing. Why not just have the METAR scroll by? This is a great idea, actually. If you can't read a METAR, then fuck you. |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 7:36:32 PM EDT
[#7]
"Thank you for all you do"
Which is... "We are planning in going in dry. Your squirming and cries are our pleasure." |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 7:39:30 PM EDT
[#8]
Fucking wheelhouses and bastard wave tops
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Posted: 4/19/2023 7:40:23 PM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Stake holders This is a common term and is very applicable and appropriate when it comes to project, program, and portfolio management. It's a cornerstone of the project management institute. |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 7:41:26 PM EDT
[#10]
Definitely she/her he/him they/them et/cetera
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Posted: 4/19/2023 7:46:34 PM EDT
[#11]
I use to throw a dollar bill on the conference room table every time our boss used one of these stupid catchy corporate words because we knew he was just imitating the CIO. I was asked why the dollar bills. Because I have to drink this much tonight to forget about all this stupid talk.
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Posted: 4/19/2023 7:58:40 PM EDT
[#12]
Quoted: What are some of your favs? Mine is “reach out.” “John, can you REACH OUT to operational engineering please? These figures for the fuel consumption rate appear wrong.” “If you have any questions, please REACH OUT to me.” Etc. etc. It’s tarded. Of course this often gets combined with “touch base” and if there are salutations with preferred pronouns it becomes a trifecta of tardation. It’s all so tiresome. Please REACH OUT and tell us your favs!  DAMN MILLENIALS!  Bell System "Reach out and touch someone" Commercial (April 2, 1979) |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 8:00:59 PM EDT
[#13]
Quoted: What are some of your favs? Mine is "reach out." "John, can you REACH OUT to operational engineering please? These figures for the fuel consumption rate appear wrong." "If you have any questions, please REACH OUT to me." Etc. etc. It's tarded. Of course this often gets combined with "touch base" and if there are salutations with preferred pronouns it becomes a trifecta of tardation. It's all so tiresome. Please REACH OUT and tell us your favs! |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 8:09:01 PM EDT
[#14]
Heard a nice one awhile back, when a no longer co-worker got let go- "congratulations. You've been promoted to 'customer' status." Fucking brutal.
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Posted: 4/19/2023 8:15:05 PM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Huh. Are corporate drone-execs that way because they hire clones or..... are they that way with their silly expressions and even sillier ideas about pretty much most things managerial because they were taught in school by the same type of idjits? Business school inbreeding that follows into the real world. When Dave Calhoun took over at Boeing, his speech was plain and free of the usual buzzwords and platitudes in his first video to employees. The corporate executives adopted the same speech for a while, but they couldn't keep up their charade. Entertaining for a while. |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 8:19:16 PM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Fun anecdote, USAA is one of the only companies I know of that endeavors to get you to a human as fast as possible. They route you through the normal call tree to make sure if you have a question about your insurance, you're not talking to a loan person. However, once through that tree you get a person as quickly as possible. Their agents are also compensated well above industry standard. Additionally, they are instructed to talk with you as long as you want, i.e, in industry speak this means they don't measure "Calls Handled" by agents as a metric. They also have one of the lowest agent turnover rates in the contact center industry. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: The one that usually proceeds this and really chaps my hide is: "We are currently experiencing higher than normal call volumes..." LIES. You cannot have "higher than normal" call volumes every single day you are open, for months or even years on end. You simply are understaffing your call center for additional profit. Not only that, but the fact that the voicemail states "higher than normal" call volumes means they must have other voicemails with additional explanations. Do they change voicemails throughout the day after analyzing their own response times? Do they have an employee whose job it is to maintain the voicemail posture? Of course not. They set it and leave it for years. Yup. And it would be one thing if their system ever routed straight to a human maybe when call volumes were not "higher than normal," but I highly, highly doubt they are even set up that way. Fun anecdote, USAA is one of the only companies I know of that endeavors to get you to a human as fast as possible. They route you through the normal call tree to make sure if you have a question about your insurance, you're not talking to a loan person. However, once through that tree you get a person as quickly as possible. Their agents are also compensated well above industry standard. Additionally, they are instructed to talk with you as long as you want, i.e, in industry speak this means they don't measure "Calls Handled" by agents as a metric. They also have one of the lowest agent turnover rates in the contact center industry. The USG drywall products help is similar. |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 8:22:03 PM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted: This is a great idea, actually. If you can't read a METAR, then fuck you. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Using colorful and descriptive language isn't a bad thing. Why not just have the METAR scroll by? This is a great idea, actually. If you can't read a METAR, then fuck you. |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 8:22:34 PM EDT
[#18]
Other than the idiotic preferred pronouns, the corporate email expressions in this thread are no different than the trite and banal vocabulary I had to suffer through prior to retirement.
And that was 2/28/20. I actually expected to see new words and phrases. So much for creativity of expression in corporate America. |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 9:52:13 PM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: What are some of your favs? Mine is “reach out.” “John, can you REACH OUT to operational engineering please? These figures for the fuel consumption rate appear wrong.” “If you have any questions, please REACH OUT to me.” Etc. etc. It’s tarded. Of course this often gets combined with “touch base” and if there are salutations with preferred pronouns it becomes a trifecta of tardation. It’s all so tiresome. Please REACH OUT and tell us your favs! DAMN MILLENIALS!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO17B-ACRn0 Four Tops "Reach Out I'll Be There" on The Ed Sullivan Show |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 9:54:11 PM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryQuoted: WTF is wrong with either of these? Nothing dude, lol. I had the same response. Hear "synergy" and I cringe inside but "reach out" doesn't even seem like office jargon to me |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 9:55:26 PM EDT
[#21]
 "Weird Al" Yankovic - Mission Statement (Official 4K Video) |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 10:21:45 PM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted: pronouns in signature |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 10:24:52 PM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: What are some of your favs? Mine is “reach out.” “John, can you REACH OUT to operational engineering please? These figures for the fuel consumption rate appear wrong.” “If you have any questions, please REACH OUT to me.” Etc. etc. It’s tarded. Of course this often gets combined with “touch base” and if there are salutations with preferred pronouns it becomes a trifecta of tardation. It’s all so tiresome. Please REACH OUT and tell us your favs! DAMN MILLENIALS! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO17B-ACRn0Okay, serious comment: I have to say - I am older than probably MOST of you guys here (and no "millenial," I assure you!). Yes, of course I remember this commercial. But I DO NOT believe the expression "reach out" came from this. Rather, I am about 99 percent sure it grew out of the idea of "reaching out in the darkness" to try and find an answer. |
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Posted: 4/19/2023 11:07:07 PM EDT
[#24]
I could never work in corporate america. I'd choke someone to death with their own tie. Fuck corporate speak.
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Posted: 4/19/2023 11:10:40 PM EDT
[#25]
I have a guy in the office next to me that constantly uses buzzwords like this on a call or in a "meeting". I'll throw things at the wall between us when he does. I can't wait to retire.
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Posted: 4/19/2023 11:18:33 PM EDT
[#26]
Let’s table this discussion.
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Posted: 4/19/2023 11:19:33 PM EDT
[#27]
"Level set"
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Posted: 4/19/2023 11:28:30 PM EDT
[#28]
We have one woman in the office that likes to use the phrase, "It is what it is." No matter the situation. And it's the way she says it. I fucking hate that phrase.
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Posted: 4/19/2023 11:56:26 PM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Yup. And it would be one thing if their system ever routed straight to a human maybe when call volumes were not "higher than normal," but I highly, highly doubt they are even set up that way. That is the fault of the call center supervisor and manager. There are all kinds of tools that provide hard data to mange the performance of the call center attendants built into the Automated Call Center (ACD) software. It is real easy to see who the slackers are. As the supervisor you work on improving the lowest performer. If they can’t turn it around, you help them find a job they can excel at in another department or company. Once you move them down the road you start in on the next lowest performer. The way you handle the highest performer is through cash rewards. With that crowd, money talks and bull shit walks. The message becomes real clear that bar is set requiring performance and offering shared rewards. |
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Posted: 4/20/2023 12:02:21 AM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryThe first time I heard “Symbiotic Synergism” in the Manager’s Meeting I wanted to shove my fingers down my throat and projectile vomit across the conference room table. |
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Posted: 4/20/2023 12:07:55 AM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Guys. People talk how they talk. One of my superpowers has been to find out how people talk and use their talk. It's how you get the edge. Here you go. Start out listening to George Thompson’s Verbal Judo Link |
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Posted: 4/20/2023 12:09:17 AM EDT
[#32]
Why don't all touch base and have a pow wow to come up with a mission statement on the goal moving forward?
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Posted: 4/20/2023 12:14:56 AM EDT
[#33]
I like my company. Someone got this in an email that long ago.
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Posted: 4/20/2023 12:23:08 AM EDT
[#34]
Quote History Iron Maiden - Reach Out |
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Posted: 4/20/2023 7:01:27 AM EDT
[#35]
 The Oak Ridge Boys - Touch A Hand, Make A Friend |
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Posted: 4/20/2023 7:04:46 AM EDT
[#36]
 Sweet Caroline |
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Posted: 4/20/2023 7:29:29 AM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted: So only those of you "in the weeds" have real jobs? Most all of the terms mentioned have their meaning and place. This is just a thread to bitch. If you haven't run across this you're either working in a very efficient place...or you're one of the bullshit jobs and you haven't noticed yet. It's not new, buzzwords just help identify the BS. |
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Posted: 4/20/2023 7:38:19 AM EDT
[#38]
Your question is a huge ask.
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Posted: 4/20/2023 7:42:56 AM EDT
[#39]
Ya'll need to update your stakeholder matrix.
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Posted: 4/20/2023 7:43:58 AM EDT
[#40]
Calling everyone collectivly Team or Teammates.
Fuck you, Im not on your "team." Im here to do a job and get money for it. Its an exchange; my time and skills for your money. Thats it. |
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Posted: 4/20/2023 7:47:43 AM EDT
[#41]
I find this Corporate Buzzword Generator pretty much covers all the BS I hear in my emails. I think I could use it in an email and no one would even notice.
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Posted: 4/20/2023 8:04:56 AM EDT
[#42]
Reach out seems a lot easier than telling someone to call, email, text, go meet, etc. If I tell someone to reach out to another person or company, I don't care how you do it, just make contact with them and get the issue resolved.
That's far from the other corporate speak I see that makes no sense. "As per my..." What does that even mean? "Circle back" "So forth and so on" "Run it up the flagpole" "Synergy" "New normal" |
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Posted: 4/20/2023 8:05:38 AM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Wheelhouse and, "Cycles" as in "I don't have the cycles to deal with this." "Time"... "Bandwidth" is another annoying alternative to "cycles". I work in IT, so it may be more common because of that (and that is probably why I also don't even notice when someone says "ping" as complained about earlier ).
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Posted: 4/20/2023 8:12:53 AM EDT
[#44]
 Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus (Remastered) |
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Posted: 4/20/2023 8:41:13 AM EDT
[#45]
I’ve been retired for a couple of years now and don’t miss this crap at all. Do they still talk about “straw man”?
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Posted: 4/20/2023 8:54:10 AM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Fun anecdote, USAA is one of the only companies I know of that endeavors to get you to a human as fast as possible. They route you through the normal call tree to make sure if you have a question about your insurance, you're not talking to a loan person. However, once through that tree you get a person as quickly as possible. Their agents are also compensated well above industry standard. Additionally, they are instructed to talk with you as long as you want, i.e, in industry speak this means they don't measure "Calls Handled" by agents as a metric. They also have one of the lowest agent turnover rates in the contact center industry. USAA also has to hire outside consultants to help service their mortgage compliance and BSA/AML requirements. Company culture is "work optional" in a lot of areas. FTE spent their time decorating cubicles, throwing office parties, etc. Meanwhile, the company was spending big bucks in OT and hotel costs for two shifts of consultants to unfuck serious deficiencies. Also, their San Antonio office complex is something to see. It's high fence and there are semi-tame deer (we are talking good size whitetail bucks) standing around everywhere on campus. |
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Posted: 4/20/2023 9:07:55 AM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Stake holders I always want to tell them where to put their stake |
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Posted: 4/20/2023 9:10:42 AM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Let’s table this discussion. When I first started in my career, I was just tasked to help this lady on the team with a simple project. A week or two into she starts telling me that we were going to table certain parts of it. I’d never heard the world table used as a verb before and had no idea what she was talking about Soon after is when I started hearing nonstop corporate buzzwords. Thankfully that has died down a lot over the last few years. People mostly talk like normal humans again. |
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Posted: 4/20/2023 9:12:14 AM EDT
[#49]
Reach out is the worst
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Posted: 4/20/2023 9:13:07 AM EDT
[#50]
Deep dive
Diversity and inclusion |
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