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Sooooooo wife just came downstairs to let me know her BIL is back at college now and gave her a call.

Apparently they decided to go out for dinner before church in town here and thought it would be fine if they just swung by and grabbed the stupid green cart.  Upon arrival they parked out front and the grandma told him that she was going to go grab it herself and see what a mess we have "her" back yard in.

Point of note; when we bought the house she failed to move anywhere close to all of her shit out of the house.  We have more crap in this house than could be disposed of in a full 40 yard dumpster.  We've been picking away at it here and there(fortunately the company that does our garbage collection allows you to leave a fair amount of shit at the end of the road every week) meanwhile listening to her bitch all the time that we are throwing away shit she hasn't gone through yet.  Despite that it's been weeks since she's been over to go through her piles of worthless, outdated, broken crap.

But I digress.  She makes her way across the front yard and opens up the back gate.  According to BIL she took a few steps into the front gate, stopped, put her hand to her chest, and did an immediate about face, almost jogging back to the car.  She climbed back into the car and exclaims "That's fucking rediculous, 'BIL' you go get the damn thing."

BIL asks her what she's on about and she replied "just grab the damn cart"

So BIL comes up, walks through the gate and was graced with the sight of me mounting his sister with her face buried in the ground and my fingers hooked in her mouth.  Now I'm a little pissed off.  You walk in uninvited, open our gate without permission, enter our back yard without permission or any attempt to notify us of this, see us fucking, then decide to turn around and send your grandson in knowing full well he's going to see his sister getting plowed?  What a stupid fucking bitch...

Apparently the BIL had it out with grandma pretty hard after that for what she did.

I'm even more pissed because now this ruins the cucumber prank...

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This one if the better GD stories yet for this whole month.

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Your grandmother and BIL are peeping toms.  

Yes, I would serve a cucumber salad the next time they come over to dinner.  And if she remarks about the incident in a distasteful manor, I tell her to stop being a peeping tom.

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If Grandma is old enough to remember the Great Depression then she earned the right to be a little eccentric.  Just play along for now so that when she passes on in a few it will be on a good note that you can later smile about when you reminisce. Yes, that generation hoards to the 10th degree because that closet full of empty egg cartons and National Geographic magazines is what every 90 yr old on a daily regimen of medication and doctor appointments will need for survival when TSHTF.

If he were 12 years old I could understand the curiosity but at 18?

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Dang dude just wash the cucumber, theres no need for a condom.

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...okay....i understand the cucumber.....wheres the ice cube fit in all this?

...and why is this thread not locked?

Also, please don't lock till I get an answer here .....

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GD never fails to deliver.

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Oh, and pics of wife havn't loaded yet, any one else seeing same issue?

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"fishhook"???

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I guess grandmama does realize where her children cam from, or her grandchildren, or her great grandchildren.

In the words of my mother "Understand... FUCKING MAKES BABIES!!"

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Op, Have you made a cucumber salad and taken in to Grandma as a piece offering yet?

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GD never fails to deliver.

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It all started on a cool, damp, misty Thanksgiving eve.  I was at work running EMT conduit inside a ceiling above a local high-rise lobby when my cell phone came to life.  It was my wife, the message said "My grandma wants to bring *name withheld* over for a bit after she picks him up from school to hang out before church and have dinner."

My heart immediately sank.  Finally a day to come home from work and relax, looking forward to a much needed four day weekend, and now I have to deal with this shit.  "Really?  Kinda short notice don't you think?"  I replied.

"Yeah, that's what I said, but she wants to pick up that stupid green cart in the back yard."

Well right around this time some idiot doing demo sawed through a fire sprinkler pipe and the in-laws went to the wayside as I had about 100 yards of ceiling to crawl through with 12" of clearance before I could evacuate the building.  Finally 2:00 hits and its time to go home.  But wait, fuck, the in-laws...  "So should I expect company when I get home?"  I asked, waiting for the inevitable bad news.

But no!  Good news is right around my corner!  As I'm nearing the end of the parking lot I am graced with it!  "She got kind of pissy when I told her we didn't really want company till at least 5:00 and said she would just pick that cart up after church."  Fuckin' A!  Time to go home, shower, have a nice warm meal, and maybe some pound town?

Fast forward to after dinner and the wife is getting a little hot and bothered after hearing a few of my manly flatulents.  I was already in my usual dinner attire, naked, and my wife quickly joined me in my freedom.  Oral sex was began, which quickly lead to some good old missionary.  Which quickly lead to many, many other horrible, unthinkable acts of perverse, twisted sexual gratification.  Now mind you this is all taking place in the living room, which is connected to the kitchen, which has a glass sliding door to the fenced in back yard.  Standing anywhere on our patio or walking through the south gate of the back yard you can see right into the living room.

At one point in time, and I cannot for the life of me recall during which particular sex act this occurred during, I heard a car door and stopped what I was doing.  My wife quickly spurred me to continue, exclaiming, "It's just the neighbors, don't stop!"  Well much to the demise of my formerly positive relationship with my wife's grandmother I didn't stop.

After a good couple hours of fun it's time to get ready for church.  So we wash up and head out the door.  Grandma and BIL are sitting there.  Grandma looks rather sour(nothing out of place for her) and BIL has the biggest shit eating grin on his face.  We say high and before our conversation can carry further the service begins.  After church we proceed in an orderly fashion outside the service area.  My wife asks her grandma if she is coming over to pick up the stupid little cart thing she has that's a piece of shit but the old packrat bag just can't part with.  Grandma looks her dead in the eye and coldly replies "No, we already got it, and you really should have your blinds closed after dark."  She proceeded to about face and left the church with BIL in tow with nary a goodbye.  The green cart was located on the patio, on our picnic table, right in front of the sliding door.  Part of me felt completely devastated, the other, more active portion of my brain felt humored to the point of very loud laughter and visible tears running down my cheeks.  My wife, apparently, did not share in my humor.

Moral of the story?  If you don't want to see me kneeling between your naked granddaughters spread legs with an ice cube in one hand and a condom covered cucumber in the other STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY BACKYARD WHEN NOT INVITED.

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Sooooooo wife just came downstairs to let me know her BIL is back at college now and gave her a call.

Apparently they decided to go out for dinner before church in town here and thought it would be fine if they just swung by and grabbed the stupid green cart.  Upon arrival they parked out front and the grandma told him that she was going to go grab it herself and see what a mess we have "her" back yard in.

Point of note; when we bought the house she failed to move anywhere close to all of her shit out of the house.  We have more crap in this house than could be disposed of in a full 40 yard dumpster.  We've been picking away at it here and there(fortunately the company that does our garbage collection allows you to leave a fair amount of shit at the end of the road every week) meanwhile listening to her bitch all the time that we are throwing away shit she hasn't gone through yet.  Despite that it's been weeks since she's been over to go through her piles of worthless, outdated, broken crap.

But I digress.  She makes her way across the front yard and opens up the back gate.  According to BIL she took a few steps into the front gate, stopped, put her hand to her chest, and did an immediate about face, almost jogging back to the car.  She climbed back into the car and exclaims "That's fucking rediculous, 'BIL' you go get the damn thing."

BIL asks her what she's on about and she replied "just grab the damn cart"

So BIL comes up, walks through the gate and was graced with the sight of me mounting his sister with her face buried in the ground and my fingers hooked in her mouth.  Now I'm a little pissed off.  You walk in uninvited, open our gate without permission, enter our back yard without permission or any attempt to notify us of this, see us fucking, then decide to turn around and send your grandson in knowing full well he's going to see his sister getting plowed?  What a stupid fucking bitch...

Apparently the BIL had it out with grandma pretty hard after that for what she did.

I'm even more pissed because now this ruins the cucumber prank...